I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
