yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
