Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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