I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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