I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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