Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
