Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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