Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
