you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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