idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
