Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
