ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
