I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
