I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
