Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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