i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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