I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
