Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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