Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently you make a good broom.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
