just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
