How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
