So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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