It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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