I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
