worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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