he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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