I didn't shave. On purpose
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
