please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
