we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
