just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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