This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
