she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
