Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
