my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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