dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Welp...herpes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
