So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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