What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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