she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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