no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize