There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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