your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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