1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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