I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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