I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I smell stomach acid.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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