just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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