where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
