He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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