Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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