Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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