first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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