awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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