I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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