Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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