I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
