my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
