Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
