; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
