they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
