I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
