I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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