I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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