Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
