and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
