I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just tell him i said nine months
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
