were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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