When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
