I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
